


Too Dark to See

by PepperSpicedLatte



Category: Versailles (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Pre-Relationship, it ends happily i promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-27 23:15:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16229318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PepperSpicedLatte/pseuds/PepperSpicedLatte
Summary: 'Inescapable. That was what night time was. Inescapable. No matter how far you ran it would always catch up with you, wrap around you like a thick black and suffocate you into the darkness. The night was where secrets came out to play, creeping like insects from the cracks in the walls and out beneath the floors. It was where people loved, lost, laughed and cried with so much more intensity than in the sunlight. It was the universal time in which all the lonely people around the world could silently unite in their feelings and wish they could survive yet another inescapable night.''Philippe cannot take the weight of the world on his shoulders any longer, and is ready for it to end when a handsome stranger sits next to him unexpectedly and stays through it all.





	Too Dark to See

**Author's Note:**

> It's about 3.30am and I haven't re-read it so there'll probably be mistakes. 
> 
> I don't know where this idea came from or why I ran with it but here we are. It ends happily, I promise.

Inescapable. That was what night time was. Inescapable. No matter how far you ran it would always catch up with you, wrap around you like a thick black and suffocate you into the darkness. The night was where secrets came out to play, creeping like insects from the cracks in the walls and out beneath the floors. It was where people loved, lost, laughed and cried with so much more intensity than in the sunlight. It was the universal time in which all the lonely people around the world could silently unite in their feelings and wish they could survive yet another inescapable night. 

Three am. A time like no other. It didn’t feel real, like it could be disturbed. There was a soft blanket over the world at three am, as though it was protecting the occupants of what was to come and what had passed. 

Paris was quiet at this time. The city had gone to sleep, say for the odd passing glow of a car’s headlights or the faint footsteps or talking of people. The streetlights lit up little orange circles on the pavements and roads and the rare light in a building’s window illuminated curtains, windowsills and patches of brickwork. The air was cold, the evident fresh smell of snow on its way. The grass was starting to frost, and the lights caught the moisture making it glitter as a breeze past over. 

There was a low fog over the Seine, swirling over the calm water and around the many bridges. Pont Neuf stood quietly, warped with history and hundreds of years of footsteps. The water lapped at the legs of the old bridge, the only sound to be heard by those around to listen. 

There was only one that did. It was unknown how long he had been there, sitting on the side of the bridge, legs dangling over the side towards the freezing water. The man himself didn’t even know how long he had been sitting there only that he could feel a faint numbness in the back of his legs, though if he was being real with himself, everything felt numb. Not just from sitting on the bridge, not from the biting cold air or the amount of alcohol he had consumed a while back but because he felt numb inside. An empty shell who had stopped feeling a long time ago. The amount of hurt, heartbreak and self-hatred he had gone through it wasn’t a surprise that there was nothing left. 

Taking in a deep breath at the sudden rush of cold wind against him, he shivered slightly, simply in a thin t-shirt, ripped jeans and converse. He swept his curly hair out of his face and reached into his back pocket of his jeans to grab yet another cigarette and his lighter. It was simply just an action now, nothing more than a subconscious thought. Bringing it to his lips, he lit it, put his lighter back in his pocket and took a long drag, letting out the smoke slowly which mixed with the coldness of his breath. 

He closed his eyes for a moment, let his head fall back and simply breathed himself through the sudden rush of emotions that surged through him from head to toe. It was just the nicotine, he told himself. These feelings weren’t real. He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt anything. Not when he had drunk enough to send him to hospital twice over, not when he had gone to club after club and let any of the guys there have their way with him. Not when he had put the lighter too close to his skin, not when he had shouted himself hoarse at his brother. Feeling was a foreign concept, a distant memory and really it was better that way. 

When he opened his eyes again, bright blue met the darkness around him and he ignored how they had gone blurry for a second there, blinking any sign of wetness away from them. Taking another drag from his cigarette, he let his mind wander off again to times of the past, only barely registering a pair of footsteps on the bridge. He ignored them; it wouldn’t be the first person to walk past him and probably not the last. No one seemed to care about the guy sitting dangerously close to edge of a bridge at this time of night. No one seemed to care full stop. 

Except…he hadn’t expected the owner of the footsteps to stop near him and hear huffing as the stranger sat down – rather carefully – next to him. The man didn’t turn to look at his new companion, simply continued to look out over the water, lost in thought. 

‘’You know I could think of better views where the seating is a lot comfier.’’ The soft honey drawl of the newest occupant of the bridge pinched the cold air and warmed up the space around him for just a second. 

The curly haired man still did not look at the other but simply offered him a smoke of his cigarette which they took, feeling the warm brush of hot air beside him as they exhaled. His eyes darted to the side slightly to watch the smoke in the air before it disappeared. He took the cigarette back and flicked off the ends into the water below. 

‘’Like an aeroplane has softer seats, especially in business class and you can see for fucking miles and that’s a pretty good view. The chairs in my local strip club are comfy as fuck and that view is stunning, and I can’t deny my bed is damn comfort- ‘’ They stopped speaking when they were met with a sharp blue glare that seemed to pierce right through them. 

‘’Don’t you shut up?’’ The man asked them, his voice a little harsh from the smoking and not having used it in god knows how many hours. He wasn’t in the mood for this, to have someone else here invading his personal space and the reason of why he was here. 

‘’Ah he does have a voice. For a moment there I thought I was going to be talking to myself, and no. I don’t really shut up and at this point people don’t try and stop me.’’ The other man, blonde haired, bright eyed and devilishly handsome was grinning at him as though they weren’t sat on the edge of a bridge in the dead of night. ‘’The name’s Philippe d’Lorraine, or Chev. That’s what most people call me.’’ 

The curly haired man simply stared at Chev – Lorraine – as though he couldn’t believe he was there, talking to him at that current moment. Out of anyone who could have joined him it had to be an annoying one who talked too much. An annoying but cute one, he had to add, but now wasn’t the time. When he didn’t answer him, Lorraine opened his mouth to speak again and he turned his head away from him and back down to the black body of water underneath them. 

‘’What’s your name then?’’ 

‘’Why does that matter? It’s not like there’s a chance of us meeting again.’’ 

Lorraine seemed to pause, contemplating what had just been said. ‘’You’d think that, but I’ve seen you in the bar where I work at least three times in the past week so I’m putting down another meeting as highly likely.’’ 

The man snorted and rolled his eyes, snubbing out the end of the cigarette and flicking it into the water. He braced his hands either side of him and leant forward, focusing on the nothing below and seeing if he could make out the current in the darkness. This action seemed to cause Lorraine to react and the man’s hand settled next to his though didn’t touch. He smirked to himself, that clearly showing he wasn’t as nonchalant about being here as he acted. 

‘’It’s highly unlikely if you think about it why you’re here. Why I’m here.’’ He swallowed the sudden lump in his throat as the smallest drop of emotion seemed to trickle down inside him. 

‘’Why I’m here? Oh, I just stopped because I wondered if the view was that good. Can’t say I’m impressed though. A little bland and fucking cold.’’ 

The man shrugged as he continued to lean forward just that bit too far. Adrenaline was pumping through him as he thought about the fact that if he just let go…but he started speaking before he realised what he was saying and with a sting of disappointment he sat back up properly much to the relief of Lorraine. 

‘’Can’t feel the cold, but I agree, the views shit.’’ There was that voice inside his head, the one that told him under no circumstances could he let this man talk him out of it. He had planned, self-destructed to the point where there was nothing left. If he stopped, he had nothing to go back too. There was no way back, no way forward. Just this and what was meant to happen. 

‘’What brings you here then? I doubt it’s a regular hangout and if it is then you have a poor sense of what a good hangout is.’’ 

He glared over at Lorraine again, not being able to stop himself even though his desperately wanted to ignore his existence. His warm energy was starting to thaw the numb exterior he had, and he tried his hardest not to let that happen. He couldn’t let that happen. He didn’t want to feel anything. Not ever again. 

‘’Why do you care?’’ He almost spat the words out, all these questions starting to irritate him. He wanted to be left alone. He was alone. He had no one to turn too now, had burnt more bridges than he had had for that. He had himself and the ever-drowning memories and he wanted to let them swallow him into the night time because that was what he deserved. 

‘’Because it’s be pretty selfish to walk past a guy on the edge of bridge and not stop, and I know I’m a fucking selfish person but not even I’m that bad.’’ There was caring in his voice, something of the likes that the man hadn’t heard directed to him in a long time. ‘’So,’’ He tried again, more determined this time. ‘’What was it? Family? Loss? Bad decisions?’’ 

The man laughed though it was hollow, empty and not at all the same laugh he was known for. The one that people had used to say they were happy to hear because it was such a rare occurrence. But this was bitter and full of hatred for the world around him, for himself. 

‘’Let’s try all of the above.’’ 

‘’Ah, so a shit show basically. That’s always the best way to do it I suppose. What was the last straw?’’ He seemed genuinely interested and god, the man knew what he was doing because this hadn’t been the first time someone had tried to talk him away from the edge. 

Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath in before letting it out slowly. These were moments he had wanted to keep locked away, never to have to think about them again, but the doors were slowly opening and with it, he started to feel a little more moment after moment. ‘’My brother.’’ 

Lorraine didn’t say anything but the energy he was conveying showed that he wanted him to continue. ‘’I had come back from tour, found out that I had PTSD which he tried to ignore. Found out that he’d been fucking my ex-girlfriend without me knowing for years, even when we were together and then proceeded to tell me it was my fault. Then…’’ He felt the lump in his throat again as tears seemed to fill up behind closed eyes. ‘’She died unexpectedly and again it was my fault. My fault for having gone to war, my fault for not loving her like she had wanted me too, my fault because I hadn’t seen the signs that it was going to happen.’’ 

He jumped slightly as he felt a warm hand on top of his cold one, but he didn’t open his eyes, not wanting Lorraine to see his tears although they were evident in his voice. He had got him to open up and now it felt like he couldn’t stop. He had had no one willing to listen for so long and now…a complete stranger was sitting next to him and listening intently. ‘’I’ve never been good enough for him and I never will be. I wanted to make him proud but all he sees is a disgrace. That’s all I am to him. To all my family. Philippe Bourbon. The shadow, the outcast. The one who is always at fault and I’m…I’m so tired...’’

Silence filled the cool air and once again it was only the lapping water that could be heard, echoed by the distant sound of a siren. Lorraine’s hand was still on top of his and Philippe didn’t try and move it, the weight keeping him grounded just that little bit. 

‘’Well,’’ Lorraine broke the silence after a few minutes, seeming to fidget where he was sat slightly. ‘’Your brother sounds like a bastard and he’s lucky that I’ll never meet him. But you know what Philippe Bourbon?’’ With his other hand, he tucked his fingers under his chin and turned his head gently, so he was looking at him. 

Philippe opened his eyes at the movement, blue meeting blue. Captivated by how sincere he looked. 

‘’You are so much more than he is. You have gone through hell and back, yet you’re still here fighting the fight every single day, trying to make a life for yourself. You are a brave person, none of that was your fault and you are enough.’’ 

The words didn’t seem to sink in, not at first and he simply shook his head not being able to believe him. He was just saying that to stop him. He didn’t mean it. He was a stranger, he didn’t know all the bad he had done. How it was his fault Henriette had died, that his mother had died, that he had lost everyone he had loved so dearly because of his actions. Turning away from him, he went back to leaning over the edge, blinking back tears furiously as he felt Lorraine’s hand tighten around his. 

‘’But you don’t know me.’’ His voice cracked as he felt his body start to shake. He wanted it to end. All of it. The pain, the numbness, the emotions…

‘’I don’t need to know you to know that you shine brighter than you think you do. Than anyone is even ready for. Show them that they’re wrong. Show them how magnificent you are.’’ 

He came undone. Tears started to freely flow down his face, Philippe not being able to stop them. He was feeling so much, and it hurt. He hadn’t let himself feel in so long and it was overwhelming. His body shook in open sobs, squeezing Lorraine’s hand back as tightly as he was squeezing his. That was how they sat for a while, Lorraine letting Philippe get it all out as much as he needed too but never acting too forward or speaking. Simply grounding him so he didn’t float off so far away that he couldn’t reach to get him back. 

It took Philippe a long time to be able to calm himself down, but he slowly, finally did, sniffing as he dried his eyes the best he could on his t-shirt. The darkness of the water was still trying to suck him down, pull him until he was floating away but, for the first time since he had ended up here he tried to fight against it. Tearing his eyes away, he looked over at Lorraine who gave him a sad smile and nudged his arm slightly.

‘’You got anymore smokes?’’ 

Nodding, Philippe reached into his back pocket and pulled out a cigarette for him and his lighter, handing them over. He watched him as he lit it, he couldn’t help but let the smallest of smiles appear on his face. ‘’How long have you been waiting to ask me that?’’ He asked as he put the lighter away again once it was given back to him. 

‘’Fucking ages but I didn’t think it was appropriate before. You telling me your sob story and then me going oh, wait a second can I have a fag? Alright you can carry on now.’’ Philippe let out a small laugh. ‘’See? Sounds awful doesn’t.’’ 

‘’Yeah, it does. Wouldn’t have been impressed with that.’’ 

‘’No, I doubt you would have.’’ He took a drag of the cigarette and let out a sigh as he breathed out. ‘’But you know, on a more…serious note. You don’t want to jump into the Seine. It’s a fucking disgusting river. There’re so many better rivers to jump into, like the Nile or the Mississippi.’’ 

Philippe gave him a glare and rolled his eyes. ‘’After all that and you decide you have to be an asshole.’’ 

‘’That’s me darlin’, but that’s why people love me.’’ Lorraine shrugged, frowning slightly when he noticed how much Philippe was shivering. Taking his jacket off, he put it over the shoulders of the other man to warm him up a little, but he knew it wasn’t going to help much. He needed to get him inside and as soon as hopefully. ‘’Come on, we should get you home or you’re gonna catch a chill.’’ 

‘’H-Home?’’ Philippe started, almost having forgotten that the place existed and that their whole reality didn’t revolve around them sitting on a bridge in Paris in the middle of the night. 

‘’Yes, home. I can’t feel my ass and I’d rather not sit here any longer but I’m also not leaving you here so I’m taking you home. Is that a deal?’’ He asked, his voice not stern, but making sure he got his message across. There was no way in hell that Lorraine was going to leave him on the bridge, not when he was still in such a vulnerable state. 

Philippe simply paused but nodded eventually and he could see some of the weight lift off the other man’s shoulders as he sighed in relief. Although it was calling his name, the water below, it was fainter than it had been before, and he was able to block it out enough for him to get over to the pavement side of the bridge and help Lorraine back over as well. That was more of a success than he had ever thought he was going to achieve today. 

Lorraine took Philippe’s hand again – the latter not complaining at all – and walked them both so they were off the bridge, getting his phone out (the time being a lot later than Philippe had expected) and booking them an Uber so he could get Philippe home. Though they waited a while, it was nice to be in the warm car, so he could warm up a little. The two of them were silent through the journey except for Lorraine occasionally checking up on him to see how he was. 

He wasn’t entirely sure how he was feeling, but it was certainly better than before. He felt exhausted mainly, the lack of sleep, alcohol during the night and crying all catching up with him and Philippe dozed off for a few minutes whilst they drove. The blonde never let go of his hand. 

When they finally arrived outside his apartment building, he put in the code to open the door and led Lorraine up to his apartment, taking the spare key from top of the doorframe and unlocking his front door. The apartment was dark, tidy, exactly how he had left it never thinking he’d see it again. Walking over the fresh hold seemed to have increased his exhaustion and he switched on a side lamp, checking his phone which he had left there and seeing several messages from both Liselotte – his best friend – and his brother. Sending them both a quick text to tell them he was alright (he’d deal with everything else after he’d slept), he turned to Lorraine who was still stood in the doorway, unsure of weather to come in or not. 

‘’Look,’’ He started after a moment. ‘’Give me your number so I can check in on you.’’

They swapped phone’s, so they could type in their numbers of each other before giving them back. It was almost an awkward goodbye, neither really knowing what to say after what they had been through together. 

‘’If you need me, don’t hesitate to call me, alright? I’m always free.’’ He gave him a smile. ‘’I should go, the Uber’s still waiting for me and I’d rather not have to walk back.’’ 

Nodding, Philippe smiled back at him slightly, running a hand through his hair. ‘’Yeah, I will. Well, goodnight I guess. Tell me when you get back home safely.’’ 

Lorraine – Chev – couldn’t help but smile wider than he had been before. ‘’I will Philippe Bourbon, just for you. Sleep well, and remember, you are magnificent.’’ He closed the door behind him as he left, and Philippe was alone in the semi darkness, closing his eyes for a second to simply take in everything that had happened and to breathe. 

Taking his phone with him, he made his way to the bedroom making sure to leave a few lights on, so he wasn’t in complete darkness and put on some comfier, warmer clothing he could get into bed with. Once he was settled down under the covers, Philippe put on some quiet music to break the deafening silence when he remembered something he hadn’t done. He hadn’t thanked Chev. Not for any of it. Feeling a sense of guilt, Philippe opened messages on his phone and sent one to him. 

 

Philippe: Hey, it’s Philippe. I know it’s awful that I haven’t already done this but thank you for tonight. 

Chev: It’s not a problem darling. Would do it again if I had too, though I hope not any time soon. My ass won’t have recovered. 

Philippe: Don’t worry, I’ll give it time to recover before I sit on anymore bridges. 

Chev: Talking about sitting on comfortable and none comfortable things. That sofa of yours looked really fucking soft. Might have to try that out. 

Philippe: What would the view be? 

Chev: Myself obviously. I’ll just stick a mirror in front of me and admire my brilliant looks. 

Philippe: Hmm, alright I’ll think about it. 

Chev: I’ll be by tomorrow to check it out  
I mean check up on you. 

Philippe: I look forward to it, goodnight. 

Chev: Night Philippe. 

Once the blonde had messaged him that he was home safely, Philippe turned over to get comfortable and let his heavy eyelids droop closed. He wasn’t magically better, he knew that was never going to happen. It didn’t happen straight away. But he had that tiny bit of hope that maybe he could escape the night time and carry on into the daylight.


End file.
